Not News

I turned the radio on yesterday just in time to hear breaking news. A former politician had just announced that he was not running for president.

I'm sorry. I didn't know that this was a requirement. Okay, just so you know, here is my official announcement.

Let the word go forth, from this place and time, to all American voters and to the people of all nations, that I am not running for president. Please do not include my name on your ballots. If you were considering a write-in campaign, thank you, but please restrain yourself. If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve. Probably. I guess it depends on the salary and health plan.

To be clear, I am not running for any public executive office. This includes all offices at the national, state, and local levels.

Furthermore, legislative offices are right out. Nix also on judicial positions. I would rather not hold a cabinet post in state government. Do not vote for me as clerk of courts, receiver general, or sheriff.

This has been an official announcement. Thank you, and God bless.