Dick Cheney -- Birdslayer

Air Force Two swept down from the sky, seeking a victim. The Vice-President spotted the poor, defenseless bird and ordered the pilot to dive. The little feathered fellow never stood a chance. I cannot at this time confirm the rumor that the bird was the endangered ivory-billed woodpecker. I also cannot comment on the widely reported story that just prior to death the bird was heard to apologize to Mr. Cheney and his family for any inconvenience he may have caused them.